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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Today Marks 4 Years of Marriage: What I've Learned

As I sit here and reflect over the last 4 years of marriage, there's two words that come to mind.  Hard work.  No one else seems to believe that it's been 4 years already... except us.  Why?  Because no one else put in the work that we had to.  They weren't around during the struggles.  All everyone remembers is that beautiful wedding and poof, now it's been 4 years. LOL.  Well let me tell you, marriage is one hell of a mirror.  You will end up finding yourself, losing yourself and finding a better version of yourself over and over again.  So, let me highlight some key points that I have learned in the past 4 years.

When I married my husband, it was my second marriage and I had this idea of what I would not put up with again.  I wouldn't say my first marriage jaded me, but please believe I learned a lot of lessons.  The problem was this was my husband's first marriage and he knew nothing about married life.  He hadn't been through this before like I had.  Meanwhile, I was expecting him to be a veteran in this marriage game with all types of expectations.  It wasn't until year 2 that I realized he deserved the same opportunity I had which was being a rookie to married life.  He would make rookie mistakes like not plan a special night for our anniversary and just wing it.  My response?  "That's not what a good husband would do"!  Ugh, I cringe just remembering how many times I said that to him.  I had to back off and let him learn how to be what I considered a "good husband" and he wasn't going to do that with me putting him down.  Looking back on those times, I wasn't being a "good wife" talking to him that way!

Then there was the issue with fighting every single battle.  If he left the toilet seat up, we would fight.  If he played his video games too long, we would fight.  Lord if he made the wrong kind of bacon, we would fight.  We were fighting over EVERYTHING.  Then one day I picked up a Joyce Meyer book, Battlefield of the Mind, and it changed my life.  What I was doing, was nagging my husband to death.  He would wake up on Saturday morning, close the bedroom door quietly so I could sleep in.  Run to the supermarket then come home and start making breakfast.  I wouldn't wake up and give him an appreciative thank you but rather ask him why he didn't get the maple bacon I liked!  I'm surprised he didn't turn around and throw the bacon at me. LMAO.  I had to learn to look at the entire picture and not focus on the one minor thing I didn't like.  It also became important to our marriage that we picked the battles we fought or else we would constantly be fighting.

This past year has been one of the hardest years of our marriage actually.  We both reached goals in our life that we had been wanting forever.  Me, to Blog full time and him, to become an Executive member of his company's finance team.  Unfortunately, we weren't prepared for the strain these changes would have on the marriage.  He had to work ALL the time... like non-stop it felt like (still does).  Leaving me to take care of the home AND still meet the demands of the goals I had set for myself as a Full Time Blogger.  You can't even imagine all the arguments.  We were STRESSED.  It wasn't until late 2015, that I began to consider how tired my husband must be.  You see marriage isn't all about YOU.  It takes growth and maturity to step back, set your own feelings aside and support your spouse regardless of how you may feel.  He was getting up at 4 in the morning some days and returning home at 7 in the evening, only to come home and have more work to do.  He didn't need me at his throat.  What he needed was somebody to pour him a drink some days, and someone to ask him how he was doing.  So that's what I did.  He needed a Partner, a Wife... not an enemy at home.

Sorry, if this post became super long but sometimes when you're being honest, it's hard to give the short story.  Those of you who are married can relate to our struggles I'm sure and if you're not married yet, take note!  Learn from my mistakes.  Marriage can sometimes be a scary mirror that shows your true character.  Anyone who goes into marriage thinking they are perfect is in for a huge awakening!!  It's not all about sex on demand and breakfast in bed but rather you have two imperfect people joined together for life.  That's not always going to be a pretty picture BUT, it doesn't have to be an ugly one either.  Look at the picture your marriage is painting and make the decision to become a better artist if you don't like the way it looks.  Don't let your wedding day hold the best looking pictures of your Marriage.  Overall, this is the biggest lesson I've learned and I'm still learning everyday!  XOXOMCS


  1. Absolutely love your transparency in this post and such great advise. More importantly, happy anniversary!! Wishing you two many many more years of love, laughter, and learning. Love you both!

  2. I'm super late on this blog post... but I'm in my 4th yr now, 2nd marriage, his first also and he's younger than me by 6 yrs... and we are going through the most right now. he wants to quit and I'm like boy, there is so much more to leave a marriage for... regardless of reasons why we both were wrong so neither of us should leave, but work it out and ourselves. I can't tell you the amount of times, the tit for tat arguments, the payback arguments, the hell for it arguments happened... when it's good, it is great and when it's bad.... it's really bad. right now is one of those bad times... I'm trying to overcome and he's giving up... so I'm stuck on what to do next.... lol I'll figure something out... prayer stays coming out my mouth... so hopefully his heart will come around....


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