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Friday, August 4, 2017

Stop Mom Shaming
Working Mom vs. Stay at Home Mom



Hey girl hey.  We're going to jump right into this one because the Mom hate has to stop.  If anything, we should be supporting each other through this journey not making each other feel bad.  School is starting back up so I know the side eyes are just getting ready to judge each other as I type.  This is a conflict I've been on both sides of before so I speak from experience.  I've been a Stay at Home Mom for the past two years (yes, it's been two freaking years!!) and although I'm thoroughly content in my space, I can tell it makes some uncomfortable.  Why?!  Because everyone is more worried about the grass of others...

As Moms, we have enough guilt to deal with.  The disapproving comments and glances are unnecessary really.  When I worked in the corporate sector, my hours were long and a third of my paycheck went to paying the Nanny.  I constantly forgot about Parent-Teacher Conferences and had to drag myself to school plays + musicals after work.  The guilt ate me up inside.  Here I had another woman raising my children (the Nanny) and I could barely muster up the energy to do what little was left for me as a Mother.  What I didn't need were additional comments from other Moms to make me feel less than.  You know... the "We missed you yesterday at the Field Trip Mrs. Horn", or the "Taylor is such a sweetheart, I love having her in my group when I volunteer".  All of it is to remind one Mom about how much she is missing out on.  Guess what... they know!!  Instead of the backhanded comments, have some compassion.  That Mom is doing everything she freaking can... it just may not be exactly what you're doing.  Let's learn to have a different approach.  If you're able to attend a field trip, take lots of pictures.  Then ask the teacher to share it with all the parents so that whoever missed out can get a glimpse at what their child experienced.  I've had a lot of parents do this for me over the years and every single time it put tears in my eyes.  It's thoughtful, its understanding... it's everything Motherhood is about!  We're in this together.

Now I know you didn't think I was going to forget about the "Oh, you don't work?" commentary that Working Moms give to Stay at Home Moms, did you?  Yes, she stays home!  That's her way of supporting her family and it fulfills her.  Or maybe it's temporary.  Hell, we've all been laid off before!  Either way, it's nobody's business.  Let me tell you something.  Those Stay at Home Moms can be LIFE SAVERS so instead of thinking your shit is perfect + isn't flawed, you better grab hold of one of those Moms because you never know when you may need one to help you.  Emergencies happen, last minute meetings pop up, shoot even traffic can be a huge deterrent.  Form a bond + get you a Stay at Home Mom who will stand in for you at school when YOU can't.  Believe me, your child will benefit more than you think!  My oldest daughter still remembers Mrs. Marsh inviting her to have lunch when she would drop by to have lunch with her own daughter... and that was in elementary school (she's headed to high school now).  Thank you Mrs. Marsh!

I say all of this to say that every Mom has their own battles.  We can either choose to help her fight or be another obstacle she has to face.  Let's uplift each other + encourage each other because in reality we have no idea what the future holds.  Motherhood is complicated enough, let's support our sisters + stop the judging.

Until next time... XOXOMCS

5 comments:

  1. Love this post Candice! And it's a worthy conversation to have. Every mom has their own "thing" they're struggling with. Drawing attention to anything that may be an insecurity for someone is insensitive. Also important to note that you NEVER have the full story - unless it's your story. Let's stay positive!

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    1. ABSOLUTELY!! More often we try to pass off insensitivity as concern when we should be compassionate. In reality, both sides benefit from the other. Essentially we're on the same side!!

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  2. Love this post. As a stay home mom I have had my mother and sister in law make comments about me being home. It hurts my feelings because they know the struggle of daycare especially my sister in law. Plus they make it seem like I choose to not work instead of my husband thinking that was best. I get comments like "must be nice to not work" or "she's available she doesn't work (side eye included)" It's crazy because I respect their choice to be working moms because my mom did both. I just don't know why I get negativity thrown my way. Only time I get positive comments is when some says how smart my four year old is. Then my mother in law say "oh my daughter in law stays home with her." Sorry for the long story! ��

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    1. I love the long story and it's a very common story unfortunately. Somewhere along the way, staying home to support your family became known as "less than" when in fact it's one of the hardest jobs out there!!

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  3. Another good one! Can I just tell you I experienced the same thing . I stay home wort kids for 1 yr- and went back to work part time. Yep, part time... and I for comments like "Oh, you just come and go as you please huh?" The professional in me responded in a tactful way.... the beast in me wanted to say "yep! I sure do you miserable, bitter (insert curse word) you . But I digress... whew... these comments will have you feeling all sorts of ways hunny! Glad another Mommy can relate. I definitely agree to stop the hate!

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