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Saturday, October 28, 2017

A Bully Cut My Daughter's Hair:
What We Learned From This Experience


We hear the word bully used everywhere these days.  It's almost as if bullies just emerged out of nowhere but let's not forget, bullies have always been around.  What's the difference now?  How they are bullying is getting to be more + more serious each year.  As a family, we never really had a problem with bullies.  We told our children to "ignore" mean kids and they will go away.  I'm sure that's a common statement many parents tell their kids and sometimes it works.  But in a case where another child comes at your child with scissors, then what?!  Certainly we're not going to ignore it!!

Most of us Moms have received that phone call from the school that starts off with "Hi Mrs. Horn, your child is fine, I just called to let you know...".  It's intended to calm a parent because the school doesn't call you regularly so when they do, we immediately think the worse.  Especially in this world we live in.  Unfortunately as the conversation went on, it was clear that this teacher was way more calm than I needed her to be... "one of the students in class cut off an insignificant amount of hair on Taylor's head.  Everyone is fine.  I wanted to call and inform you in case Taylor came home upset".  Insignificant?  INSIGNIFICANT?!  First of all, scissors are considered a weapon.  So, what you're telling me is that another student came at my child with a weapon and you're JUST calling me in case Taylor comes home upset?

When I say, I couldn't get dressed fast enough to drive up to that school...  To this day, I can't remember why my husband was home from work but I'm convinced God knew that I would need to be calmed down.  I hung up with the teacher and called the principal immediately in which I was told that they were proctoring state exams.  Obviously I was in that 'spiraling out of control' Mom mode and hearing that the Principal was too busy to tend to this situation just angered me even more.   Next up, time to go to the school.  My husband questioned a million times why we were heading to the school if the Principal was busy.  My answer "we'll wait..."!  Long story short, we spoke with the Principal and the "bully" was suspended for several days.  Although I did get the impression that nothing would've happened had we not cared enough to address it.

DISCLAIMER:  Taylor Big Chopping was already planned prior to this incident.
What happened with Taylor?  Glad you asked. She came home un-phased.  It actually was a very small piece of hair (think a piece of frizz) that was cut... doesn't matter though.  Furthermore, she seemed upset that we had gone to the school and spoken with the Principal.  She was concerned that the girl and her friends would become retaliatory and tease her for "telling".  You see, Taylor had been ignoring these girls bullying her since she started at the school.  They made fun of the way she dressed, how she acted and even how she talked.  She took our advice that we had always given and ignored the girls.  Where we failed as parents is not sharing with her WHEN she should get help.  WHEN to say something because it's going too far.  Taylor shared that these girls giggled and talked about her (they sat right behind her) almost everyday and she just ignored them.  When asked if the teacher knew or heard them, Taylor said the whole class heard them so it would only makes sense that the teacher knew and did nothing.  Hence the teacher's laid back demeanor when calling me about the INSIGNIFICANT incident.  It was clear to me that it was time to update our ancient parenting tips we had given them as toddlers and so we did.

We do our best as parents to teach our children to be kind to others.  Respect your friends, Keep your hands to yourself, Stick + Stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.  But words do hurt and sometimes those words turn to actions.  It's important that our children KNOW (not think) we are in their corner for situations like this.  Remember way back in the day, the phrase "Ooooh, Imma tell my Momma...", would be a serious threat?!  Let's bring that back.  This entire situation taught us that the lessons we may have taught our children years ago need to be dusted off and refreshed from time to time.  All of our children now know that they don't have to fight battles by themselves.  Mom will always be here to run up into someone's school and Dad will always be here to be a voice of reason so Mom doesn't get arrested.

If you want to know more about how this incident played out once the student returned from suspension + the school year continued, let me know below.  Maybe we'll do a video or go Live on Instagram.

Until next time.  XOXOMCS.

16 comments:

  1. Way to go Mom.... If we dont stand up for our babies no one will. "Imma tell my momma" lets us know that our childern trust us to protect them. Job well done.

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    1. Absolutely! My Mom was not the angry, get in your face type so a lot of times I said "Imma tell my cousins"! LOL. We don't live near family though so I have to play all the roles when necessary. But please believe, my children now know that Mom will roll up in a heartbeat if necessary!!

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  2. Oh my..thanks for sharing...I have told my daughter, Reese, the same things you told Taylor. It is a shame that things like this have to happen. As a teacher, I see first hand how kids can be cruel to each. I go crazy when I happen to see things like bullying happening. I,too,have changed how I tell my kids how to react when things like this happen. My son rides the school bus to and from school. This boy had been calling him names and hitting him. When my son couldn't take it anymore, he began to retaliate. The kid told his mom he was being bullied by my son. I go to pick him up and the afterschool tells me they need to speak to me. Yes, the own the bus too. So, they tell me there is a complaint and I may have to find a new bus service. So, I go crazy. First, uou are not labeling my child as anything..especially when mu child attended their preschool and know his demeanor. I requested to meet with this parent. She refused. Long story short, all the other kids stated the same story as my kid and the true bully gets kicked off the bus. Not my son. You reactions are what any mom would do. I am with you. You are my mom spirit animal. My husband is always like yours..calm..sometimes we flip roles.. Again, thanks for sharing.

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    1. So happy that worked out the right way! Children can only take but so much before they go off and really, they're just standing up for themselves. Where were these administrators when your son was being bullied all that time?? SMH. Glad it all worked out for the best love.

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  3. An insignificant amount of hair?!?!?!? Huh?!?! What?!?! Any amount of hair is significant! I’m a teacher and the first sign of what I even think is bullying is addressed and addressed hard and if I think I was not successful the counselor is called immediately. The teacher dropped the ball big time! Glad Taylor is fine and that your husband was home ��! There are some angry, mean children, and girls can be especially mean so I’m glad everything worked out ok!

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    1. Yeah, that teacher was definitely trying to deescalate my anger but all her words did was make me even more angry! Someone needs to give her a lesson on how to address parents appropriately. We need more teachers like yourself who don't look the other way and don't minimize bullying situations.

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  4. Glad that was addressed properly...would hate to think it was "insignificant" if it were their child being addressed. Way to go

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  5. Yes please do a follow up video on YouTube. Thanks for sharing.

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  6. Please do a follow up. Thank you for sharing! Some kids are cruel.

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  7. Thank you for sharing,not often enough as African Americans do we bring awareness to how serious bullying is, especially in our community. I was bullied in junior high school. Some of the neighborhood girls didn't like me so one day they jumped me after school on my way home. To make matters worse, they assaulted me while crossing a bridge. One of the girls pushed me so hard from behind my head hit the guard rail and I ended up with a concussion. I didn't know until after I was assaulted that one of the girls was mad at me because her ex-boyfriend liked me, but it was news to me. Thank God for moms; because, my mom was not playing with my school, she got the police involved. I was escorted to the subway until the girls were expelled. Again thank God for moms. Unfortunately high school wasn't any better, I was very shapely. One day I was walking to my class and this guy who didn't go to the school grabbed my butt. Before I could say anything he slapped my face so hard his hand left an imprint and he gave me whiplash. Again my mom was on it, but the police never found him. One day though a guy that actually went to the high school and was with the guy that didn't told me that he was shot and paralyzed in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. It was so sad I actually cried. I encourage all parents to always keep the lines of communication open with your kids no matter how old they get. It never failed my mom would ask me how was my day at school and she wouldn't accept one word answers like "fine". Another thing she did was build a rapport with my school counselors because they would check on me all the time and sometimes I would have lunch and talk with them. It really helped. #ThankGodForMoms

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    1. Wow, you went THROUGH it girl. I'm so sorry about what happened but so happy that you had a supportive Mother to back you up. No one should have to go through what you endured. Sadly enough, I too was jumped by a group of girls in elementary school because I wanted to be their friend. Bullies aren't new at all, I just think they are evolving. SMH.

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  8. Oh my goodness this so sounds like myself and my husband. Last year my daughter wore two strand twist and the weekend came for us to wash her hair well one of her little so called friends cut one of her twist that was under several other twist! This momma went off because the school did not call me but when I asked about it they tried to downplay the incident since our daughter has so much hair the teacher claimed she could hardly tell it was cut...... momma went from 0 to 100 really quick!

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  9. Ugh, that is crazy. Glad you were there for her. Hopefully nothing like that will ever happen again. I like how you revised your conversations with her about bullying. We must continue to equip our children with survival tools.

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    1. Thank you for taking a moment to read about our experience. Its absolutely necessary to revise conversations as they grow up or else we're not preparing them for "life".

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  10. Seriously. I friggin love your daughter and I can't believe someone would have the audacity to cut her hair. I'm glad that her mama instilled in her so much confidence that she was "unbothered" by foolishness.

    I am glad that they suspended the kid and I can only HOPE and PRAY that her parents make her suspension a weighty one. And I hope that sent a message to the other girls to keep it moving. NO ONE should touch us without permission. PERIOD.

    Although 1000 revenge scenarios are going through my mind (because, Lord forgive me, I was gonna untuck my old me and ask if you needed to make a smack-a-kid-and-they-mama run) at the end of the day I pray for the one who did it. T will be alright. She is a strong, smart, beautiful funny girl who has the world by it's tail. She will forever be engraved in my heart as "Pink Pie Loves Marshmallows." That other kid. Welp. Let's just say they need Jesus.

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    1. LOL Cassandra... those days of Pinky Pie seem like yesterday! Gosh, those seemed like much simpler times and I wish I could bottle those moments up. I think you know the type of anger that I had flowing through my veins and I'm grateful Steven was there to be the calm to my storm. Whew. Its incredibly saddening how far bullies go these days... it's just not the same!

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