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Monday, October 22, 2018

Marriage Mondays: Our Hardest Year


We are going on 7 years of marriage and while we have been through some shit, our first year of marriage still remains our hardest year of marriage.  For a while, I've always shared this was my hardest year but it dawned on me this past weekend as I wrote this Blog post that I've never asked my husband what was his hardest year.  To my surprise, he actually said that our first year was the hardest!  For some reason, I didn't expect him to say that because like I said... we've been through some shit.  And, the funniest part is that his reason why is EXACTLY the same as my reason why.  Go figure.

EXPECTATIONS

We had a beautiful wedding, we really did.  All the planning up to it was perfect + the wedding itself came out better than I could have ever expected.  Then the wedding was just OVER and it was back to living life together but now we were married.  From the time I came home, I expected to see some miraculous change from boyfriend/fiance to now Husband.  I expected our marriage to be just as beautiful as our wedding day but without the effort.  What I forgot was that our wedding was beautiful because of all the work we had put into it.  GIRL, I expected this man to come home with roses daily/weekly to surprise me... I expected him to treat me like his Queen regardless of how I treated him... I literally expected him to change overnight.  Stop talking to your friends so much, I'm your Wife now.  Stop watching Sports so much + watch what WE want to watch, I'm your Wife now.  Spend all your free time with me, I'm your Wife now.  The arguing and silent treatment was constant in our first year.  I would call my cousin (who is also my best friend) + cry on the phone to her while staring at my wedding dress still hanging in my room.  That dress hung in my room for months because it was metaphorically me hanging on to the perfection I expected us to turn into overnight.  Then one day, I decided to talk to Steven about how I was feeling.  No surprise, it started another argument but this argument ended in him trying to prove me wrong.  I told him that I was concerned because we don't seem to even be friends with each other anymore.  He seemed more dedicated to his college and work friendships than he was to us.  His reply was that your Wife doesn't have to be your friend and followed up by saying "watch, I'm going to ask some of my friends that are married"!  To his surprise, not only did every single person say that their Wife was one of their friends but they all said that their Wife was their BEST friend.  That was an eye opener for Steven and definitely a pivotal moment in our marriage.  He looked at me + apologized for not being the friend I needed and asked me how he could be a better friend.

Now for him, things were very different but also the same.  He came home from the wedding with tons of expectations in mind as well.  According to him, he thought a "good Wife" should be taking care of the house, keeping it clean, cooking and taking care of the kids.  On top of that he also expected a "good Wife" to be Fucking + Sucking on demand (his words, not mine).  NONE of this was happening.  I had just started a new job that I was struggling at so I was giving 150% there and probably 25% to the care of my home (it doesn't add up, I know).  Nobody was dying because the house wasn't clean.  Then this man would go the entire day without a quick text to say "hey" or "how's your day" but wonder why there was no connection once we both got home from work.  At first, I thought it was because he was swamped at work but our phone bill proved that to be a lie.  He was using up ALL our data playing games with his friends and had chats a mile long every single day with every single friend.  Of course, I wasn't included in that.  We were both disappointed in each other for different reasons but nobody wanted to make the first move.

REALITY

Once Steven was open to the idea that your Wife can be your Best Friend, a lot changed.  We talked more, connected more and LAUGHED more.  Things in our every day life began fitting together seamlessly.  How we parented improved because we were just happier people around each other.  The reality is that we began putting in the real work necessary to have a happy marriage.  Did this solve all of our problems, definitely not because shit got real years later but it began to lay the foundation needed to get through the tougher areas down the road.  Our sex life improved as I challenged myself to not say NO for an entire month.  That one month changed our sex life in ways I never thought possible but that's another story for another time.  It took us both wanting to improve not only for each other, but for ourselves + our children.  Looking back at that first year, we were soooooo selfish!  I wish I could go back and not waste a whole year (plus some) being as unhappy as we were over things that were easily fixable.  But hey, you live + you learn.

For all the married women/couples out there, what was your hardest year of marriage?  It doesn't necessarily have to be a "bad" year but which year challenged you the most?  Let's chat below.

XOXOMCS.
Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Life Update|| Part 1




Well Happy New Year!  Dramatic as I may be, that's certainly how I feel the speed of this year is going.  So much has been going on personally that I have definitely neglected my Blog.  Instead of just coming back with a Fall Skincare post as if I haven't left you hanging for months, I figured we could catch up.

As most of you know, I accepted a job opportunity back in July at a hotel.  I was so hopeful + really thought "this was the one".  GIRL, this couldn't have been further from the truth.  I know I haven't shared yet + that's because I wanted to be further removed from the incident because I truly wanted to cut someone.  LOL.  So the big question is "Why did I leave that job"?  Well, let me ask you something... if the company you were working for was having financial issues to the point that your pay was late + there was a chance that you wouldn't get paid... what would you do?  Yes, it was that bad.  As an Influencer, late payments is something I have to deal with time and time again.  If I wanted to stay on this struggle bus, I could just continue working for my damn self.  It started off pretty simple + innocent... the company didn't have direct deposit.  I thought this was odd but my husband reassured me that a company having direct deposit for only two employees (myself + my boss) is an expense that they may not want to take on yet.  Okay, fair enough... but then.  BUT THEN... my boss told me that none of the hotels with this company have direct deposit!  So, it had nothing to do with it being a new hotel that was not open yet or had enough employees.  Strike 1. 

By the end of my first week, my boss opened up to me + shared that she could no longer deposit the payroll checks from the company at her personal bank because they had bounced so many times.  Her bank refused to accept them anymore.  So, she had to drive about an hour away to go cash the checks at their Mom + Pop bank.  This specific time, she got to the bank and THEIR bank refused to the cash the check because the funds were not available.  GIIIIRL.  Strike 2. 

It was at this point that my energy started to shift + I began questioning if this was the right decision.  Sure, the move would look great on my resume (opening a new hotel) but could I really deal with uncertainties when it came to my pay.  I don't know her financial health but I did know that my household could not afford for a check that size to bounce in my account.  The next week I come into the office to find out that construction on the hotel had halted because the workers refused to come in until they were paid.  How in the world are you not paying the construction workers if you're opening a new hotel?!  What sense does that make?!  After listening in on a meeting between the Owners + the General Contractor (being nosy AF), I overheard that the Construction Company was owed over 100K in payroll.  WHAT?!  Strike 3. 

At this point, I was one foot out the door.  The following week was finally my first pay week... here we go!  Checks were suppose to be ready on Tuesday.  You didn't read that wrong, checks are ready on Tuesday... not Thursday or Friday.  Moving along, so checks were suppose to come in on Tuesday.  The owner called and said they wouldn't be ready until Wednesday.  After all I had put up with, I talked myself into thinking that one more day isn't the end of the world.  Wednesday comes and the Owner walks into the office.  My boss approaches him and asks for the checks to which he replies, "I forgot them at the office, you'll get them tomorrow".  Even after my boss offered to go get them from his office, he replied "No, you guys have work to do... you'll get it tomorrow".  It was at this point that Candice began packing up her shit.  Yes, now I'm talking about myself in the third person because I literally felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.  I packed up all of my shit, left to lunch, went home and sent them my resignation letter. 

I have very little patience for anything but children so for me to have stayed during this nonsense for 3 weeks is a huge deal, you don't even know.  Yes, I went back the next day to pick up my check but that was the last straw for me.  Had I accepted that treatment, they would have continued down the same path they had done with my boss... bounced checks, late checks, no checks, etc.  Nope, I'm good love, enjoy!  My apologies for taking this long to share but as I promised, it was worth it wasn't it?!  What would you have done?


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